Santa, if you're reading this, I would like a big silver 1978 Volvo station wagon in my stocking please....or in the driveway if the logistics are too much for you.
Once again it's time for me to put on my cape and mask and assume my secret identity... RAVING MADCOW (ta dah!!). With the ability to lose her marbles with absolutley no warning in any given situation, Raving Madcow's alter ego is a mild mannered lollipop lady who wishes to remain employed, so we're not going into any more detail....it's a superhero thing, ok?? So the reason for the Silver Volvo??
Raving Madcow's latest crusade is to rid the world of stupid parkers!!!! I swear that there's a secret army of genetically predispositioned "stupid parkers" who spend their lives lurking in the David Jones carpark to make life harder for the rest of us. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!! The ones who park in the middle of two spaces...the ones who think that having a baby seat in your car, regardless if you actually have a baby to put IN said seat gives you the right to park in the stroller parks.....and my personal favourites....the 4x4 drivers who park anywhere they like....footpaths, trolley bays, garden beds....we're all aware that you're frustrated off roaders, but is running over a garden bed full of defenceless flowers REALLY going to release your inner warrior??? Anyway, I digress....the silver Volvo....designed by Swedes to withstand earthquakes, blizzards, IKEA sales and ABBA compilations. I want one, so that I can dedicate one day a week (start small, aim high) to dinging the taillights of every 'stupidparker' I come across.
I figure that if I apply to Centrelink for a Small Business Grant to pay for the petrol and the printing costs for the bumper stickers..."Your tail lights are toast courtesy of RAVING MADCOW and the SILVER VOLVO" I should be up and running in time for the boxing day sales. What can I say....public service is my life.