Attention all masochists.....I have found the ultimate in carb cutting ultra-high-impact flab-shifting anti-gravity workouts. Cleverly marketed under the guise of a family day out, Dreamworld is set to replace The Biggest Loser and Survivor as the reality disaster epic of the new millenium. Your quest begins when the combined moaning of your children forces you to put aside your plans for watching the Buffy marathon and agree to battle holiday traffic in search of Nirvana. Or Coomera, whichever comes first. Sensibly, you shanghai your other half, by promising him many non G rated things upon your safe return to civillisation. You also rope in your best mate and her progeny, so that you have a selection of ages ranging from two to fifteen, guaranteeing that you will be forced to queue for everything from Wiggles World up to the Giant Drop. Add a packed lunch, a collapsible stroller and an extra large box of orange tic tacs and start your engines.
As you enter through the hallowed portals, you realise that one of your children is walking round with his eyes shut. After hitting several poles and one roving face painter, you drag him off to the Very Expensive Gift Shop to buy him some sunglasses to replace the ones he broke in the car on the way down. This is followed by the opening chorus of "I'm hungry", which is repeated at three minute intervals throughout the day. Can be temporarily muted by applying orange tic tacs to the affected area. After application of tic tacs, you'll need to don your referees jersey to break up the arguement over "where are we going first'.
This is easily solved by sending "token Man' to take all the large male children into Alien Vs Predator while you visit Wiggles world for the first of many, many times. Remeber to eat a Tangelo at some stage...they have clown repellant properties. Repeat formula until insanity rears it's ungly head, or the sun goes down.
Is is wine o' clock yet??