work, sleep, pause, work, sleep......

February 2 2010
I'm full into 2010 and the rut is getting deeper every week. I'm starting to get that claustrophobic "OMG is this all there is" feeling, which is a little scary considering we're only into week 2 of the school year. I'm trying to keep on top of it using the usual methods....meditation, loud music, my books and lots of photographic work which is at least keeping my brain from pureeing into mush. Finally managed to get my head around the early shift, and the 4 day headache that used to drive me mental has backtracked into a background buzz which I can mute completely with a mother or a strong coffee. It's just the routine that gets me down....there's nothing more depressing than waking up thinking "tae kwon do/band practice/newspaper deliveries, it must be Tuesday". Makes me want to run screaming to the nearest freeway on ramp with a sign reading "Away From Here", lol. I want TIME....not spare time, free time, me time or any of that stupid Oprah crap. Just time. More time, maybe. Extra time?? Time out?? Time without a clock....no deadlines. How did Bon Jovi put it??? I'll live while I'm alive and sleep when I'm dead. Providing the school lunches are made, of course. Sigh.