Licence by Kelloggs/ GPS a-la Thunderdome

If you have been stuck behind a B.C.C. bus recently, you've probably seen the signs saying "YOU CAN DRIVE THIS BUS", which apparantly is the best way they have to attract future drivers. Because being stuck behind a bus for 20 minutes while you're running late for whatever definately makes me want to run out and get a bus license so I can do the same thing to others. Like bad instant karma with a little Mad Max thrown in. Although according to the list below, which I got from the official Brisbane City Council "Oh please let me drive a bus 'cos my life already totally sucks" site, you DO need to pass a test of some description before they reef open the cornflakes, hand you your glow-in-the-dark hologram and set you loose on the streets of suburbia. As stated below.....

Apply to be a Bus Operator
Step 1 - Get an information kit
You can either:

email the Bus Operator recruitment team
phone Brisbane Transport on xxx xxx xx
Step 2: Selection process
You'll complete a number of assessments that cover all elements of the Bus Operator role.

The selection process will assess your:

communication and customer service skills
literacy and numeracy skills
map reading ability
safe operation of a vehicle in accordance with Queensland Transport’s rules, regulations, policies, procedures and laws
Once your application is complete we’ll let you know the outcome within four weeks.


So, seeing as MAP READING seems to be a biggish deal amongst the Kellogs Contenders, you would imagine that by the time they graduate, get their magic decoder ring and the power to annoy car drivers on a global scale, they'd be able to find the bus stops. Or not, judging by this afternoon's effort from the guy behind the wheel of the school bus. Instead of turning the corner and stopping at the bus stop, he pulled up in the two minute parent pick up zone in the wrong street.... apparantly under the impression that one bunch of kids is very much like another, and as long as there were bums on seats everything was OK. Unlike the parade of car driving parents stuck behind him, having synchronised coronaries, thinking there was some sort of Council-Sanctioned mass kidnapping afoot. Or myself, standing in the crossing yelling "Hey, you in the bus....those are not your kids!!!!" His response being to open the window, ask where the bus stop was, and then enquire as to whether he could back up to it. Hello, Kelloggs, some of your Crunchy Nuts have escaped, and one of them's driving a school bus. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Bedroom Blogger

Out of the gutter, dirty minded individuals.....I finally remembered why I bought my laptop in the first place. Bedroom blogging....the ultimate in decadent post 2000 laziness. Chirping my little thoughts from under the doona, there's nothing like it. Unlimited rambling, as long as my internet holds out. And rambling is about as good as it gets ATM, since I'm still jonesing on caffeine to help me through till Friday. Which kinda adds a surreal flavour to life a-la Hartwell, although this week things are plenty bizarre without any additional help. #1 son announced that he's going to develop his "psychic antenna" with the help of a mate of his who can read peoples auras. Yep. The fact that said mate has recently moved to Sydney and they are communicating by email instead of reading each others thoughts shows how much developing his antenna are in need of, but hey, it keeps him off the streets. Second Son, on the other hand is happily ensconced in the real world, driving me insane by degrees, courtesy of "the Glock". Which is not a gun (unfortunately) but a glockenspiel, the musical instrument voted most likely to be run over by a Tarago after 'accidentally' being wedged under the back tires by a parent unhinged from listening to a battalion of Tinkerbells in attack mode. Oh yeah. Can you see my aura yet?? And it's only Tuesday.

Empty Tank / Just Say No

Is it still February 2010
I think I overdid the time travellers recipe....after 6 days of very little sleep, no appetite and seriously too much high octane caffeine, I have hit the wall. And the timing is SO bad.....I'm only two days into this weeks shift, with two extra mid mornings tacked on. Plus I'm about a fortnight behind in my commissioned stuff and the pile of editing in my hard drive keeps getting bigger. I'm living Jim Carrey's worst nightmare.....I am Yes Woman. I can't say no to anyone. I can't turn down extra shifts, I don't want to knock back commission offers, so I just agree to it all and shove the non essentials (food and sleep) into the too hard basket. And man am I paying for it this week. I woke up this morning and seriously couldn't lift my arm to smack the alarm. I really thought I'd had some sort of brain zap overnight and paralyzed myself, but it's just being bone deep dog tired. I haven't felt like this since I was a student in England, working a night shift and attending college during the day. And I was 18 then, and it still nearly killed me. Plus, it's not really the look I'm going for as far as the boys are concerned. Zombie Mothers From Mars might be cool on the Playstation, but not so cool live in the loungeroom. Yawn.

The best things in life

February 17 2010
aren't always free, but I refuse to feel guilty about it. Or high maintenence. Actually, I am feeling just a touch of Princess Syndrome, due to the DHL man bringing me the ultimate in portable entertainment, but I'm totally willing to live with the pain, 'cos this

is the total ducks guts. Or as second son would put it "wicked ass cool". And so it is....for those of you living under rocks on Planet Mongo, it's a Kindle DX and it is at the top of my 'things to save in the event of a fire' list. Sorry boys, you're big and ugly enough to save yourselves....plus if there ever was a fire, I can lay an even money bet that one of you would be responsible for starting it in the first place. But I digress. FF ordered two of them from the states, 'cos in true Princess style, I do not work and play well with others. It's the ultimate plastic bubble.....you can store everything you'd ever want to read plus a guide to the inner workings of the universe plus it plays MP3's. Complete isolation has been achieved!!! Thank you Amazon, your work here is done.

The time travellers secret.....

February 14th 2010

I have discovered how to fit everything you need to do into a 24 hour time period.
I'll wait while you get pad and pencil, you're gonna want to write this down for future reference, although if you try it too frequently it could backfire and actually catapult you through the future into a different dimension. You have been warned. OK, here it is....the recipe for stretching 24 hours into infinity.

1. Work an early shift - pre 4.30 am is advisable for maximum effect.
2. Come home and make totally unrealistic plans to go out that night with a mate.
3. Roll up to second job with bouncing eyeballs and a concrete migraine.
4. Find yourself sleep-driving home from second job. In desperation, you try the following formula. (pencils ready??)

1 double shot short black
2 red mothers
2 vodka cruisers

Eric Bana eat your heart out.....I can now fit 72 hours into 24. Try doing that without a body double. And even better...I reckon doubling the formula will actually project me into next week, leaving my drag-ass sorry this-week self to deal with two teacher interviews, five early shifts, ovaries that have grown fangs, tennis lessons, drum lessons, band practice and housework. By the time I catch up to myself, I'll be sitting pretty. How did Buzz Lightyear put it???
To Infinity and Beyond!!! See you there!!

Random Weird

February 7 2010
and seriously, this week there has been plenty of it. I sometimes suspect that when the gods get bored, they look up my file as a neverending source of possible entertainment. For example, having a skip on the back of a monster truck delivered to the house directly next to the school crossing at five to three is not something that happens to other people. Even other ladypops. As far as I can tell....although that may have been slightly less random than purely mean, as I have a long standing feud happening with the resident of said house due to her insistence that she can park anyplace anytime because she lives there which apparantly gives her street ownership too. So she probably arranged a skip delivery at bell time just to PISS ME OFF !! Well done, it totally worked. Then there was Thursday-night-child-free-at-the-pub-with-Melissa where a very strange young man was wandering around with MY HANDBAG over his shoulder. The exact same bag, I swear. Only it looked way better on me. We actually had to leave shortly afterwards 'cos some girl came in wearing my shirt and it all got a bit too much. I never realised I was such a style icon. Then there was the car full of very polite Indian gentlemen who showed up on my driveway wanting to know if I was the immigration lawyer. I have been mistaken for many things in my life, but Immigration Lawyer was a new one for the list....especially as I was wearing FF's flame print flannie PJ bottoms and my Frankie Says T shirt at the time. Very Legal. Told you I was all about style.
Tomorrow is Monday....can't wait to see what I get this week.

Drum Roll.....

And now, direct from our "better than sex" department, we have the following announcement....

OH YEAH!! HANDS UP IF YOUR KINDLE DX IS WINGING IT'S WAY DOWN UNDER EVEN AS YOU TYPE!!! THAT'D BE ME !!! HAPPY DANCE ALL ROUND!!

We now return you to our regularly scheduled broadcast.

Wanna see......

February 6th 2010
what you get when you pose 40-odd Lutherans and climb up a step ladder??



Tah dah!! Today was picture day for the St Marks Anniversary Book, which is why I was arranging Lutherans in rows and climbing ladders.
And yes, the empty chair is there for a reason.....I have to photoshop myself in there when I edit. I can do many things, but up a ladder and front row centre simultaneously are not two of them. The shoot actually went really well, considering there were well over 100 people from different decades of church attendance, so there was quite a bit of
"1990's people front and centre please" going on. I also managed to FINISH editing the wedding photos I took a couple of weeks back, and I'm really happy with the results....





and so is the bride, which is kinds the point. Love it when a plan comes together, lol.

work, sleep, pause, work, sleep......

February 2 2010
I'm full into 2010 and the rut is getting deeper every week. I'm starting to get that claustrophobic "OMG is this all there is" feeling, which is a little scary considering we're only into week 2 of the school year. I'm trying to keep on top of it using the usual methods....meditation, loud music, my books and lots of photographic work which is at least keeping my brain from pureeing into mush. Finally managed to get my head around the early shift, and the 4 day headache that used to drive me mental has backtracked into a background buzz which I can mute completely with a mother or a strong coffee. It's just the routine that gets me down....there's nothing more depressing than waking up thinking "tae kwon do/band practice/newspaper deliveries, it must be Tuesday". Makes me want to run screaming to the nearest freeway on ramp with a sign reading "Away From Here", lol. I want TIME....not spare time, free time, me time or any of that stupid Oprah crap. Just time. More time, maybe. Extra time?? Time out?? Time without a clock....no deadlines. How did Bon Jovi put it??? I'll live while I'm alive and sleep when I'm dead. Providing the school lunches are made, of course. Sigh.