Mortality and other stuff

This morning I had a doctors appointment that I really was not looking forward to. It was one of those deals where it was either good news or bad, and the bad was gonna be real bad. Due to unforseen bad timing I found myself with the better part of a fortnight to consider good verses bad news whilst waiting for this appointment. And some of the stuff I thought about really surprised me. I'm a wife to a man I adore and a mother of sons who are my world, but my first thought on getting the good vs bad scenario was "damn, now I'm not gonna get to see the new Twilight movie". Sad, no?? I also had a completely unprovoked dummy spit at a perfectly nice salesgirl at Angus & Robertson because Phillipa Gregory's newest book was $38 in hardback and wouldn't be available in paperback for 6 months. At that particular moment I was seriously wondering whether I was gonna be available in 6 months, but she didn't know that. I spent days obsessing over the most self absorbed trivial shit you could possibly imagine....everything from books I wouldn't get to read to the fact that I was never going to finish collecting charms for my bracelet. Stupid huh?? But I just couldn't think about the bigger stuff....like the man I adored and the sons who weren't even close to being self sufficient. The closest I got was making a contingency list which I have put away until the next time I'm ready to kill one or all of them and then I'll get it out and remember how it felt when I thought I wasn't going to be here to get mad at them any more. Thankfullness and gratitude have short half lives....until you try and fit a lifetimes worth of everything onto an A4 page.