Pain in Dog Years

I have decided that I need the human equivalent of an electric zap dog collar.
A little gadget that will give me a short sharp shock whenever I start thinking about doing something really REALLY stupid. Like signing up for personal training sessions at the gym. I really don't know what possessed me....possibly the ghost of some really fit chick who died while bench pressing a treadmill. I had my second session today, and I am in pain peeps. I spent half an hour tying myself in knots on a floor mat and assuming positions that are really only appropriate for late stage labour and don't look flattering no matter how not pregnant you are. Not that pregnancy or anything related to it is going to be in my future any time soon, after todays exhibition. Did I mention how much I'm hurting right now???
And to add insult to a long long list of injuries, I have to front up at Tae Kwon Do tonight and do my impersonation of a living breathing human. Which needs serious amount of work, if the reflection in the mirror is anything to go by.
And you know the worst bit??? Fitness wise, I'm old.....older than I am in real life (what's left of it). Unfair, unfair UNFAIR !!! I think they should initiate some sort of sliding scale that takes into account all the other aspects of your life that could encroach on your fitness. Like taking off six months for every near death experience involving high end four wheel drives and school crossings.
And I think they should count caffeine as a food group. And I should definately get 5 years knocked off for actually turning up for the second session. So, taking all that into consideration, I'm thinking 27 sounds pretty reasonable. I'll explain that to my legs when the feeling returns.