The longest journey

starts with a single step. So tomorrow we start the first step in the next part of our journey. After an emergency clinic visit today and some back and forthing with Seb's developmental specialist, we will be starting him on medication tomorrow. Which I was kind of expecting as he is just about the same age Kit was when he started his meds. What I wasn't expecting was all the emotional stuff that's been swamping me all afternoon. Part of it is thinking back to Kit at that age, and how hard it all seemed. How just getting up each day and putting one foot in front of the other seemed like a massive, unobtainable goal. How everything seemed to be at the top of this massive hill, and any kind of milestone seemed a million miles out of reach. And still we did it. We got over the biggest hurdles since he was diagnosed at 2 and lived to see the view from the top of the mountain. Now we have another mountain to climb, and I'm five years older, and fifty years more tired. The whole one foot in front of the other deal looks just as hard as it did then. And I'm worried. Make that "packing death big time"....I owe second son everything I can possibly give him, and even then I don't know if it's going to be enough. I would give fifty years of my life, my right arm and a kidney to be able to fix things for him. Spectating while someone you love is struggling is a killer. It sucks the life right out of you and leaves you feeling invisible and useless. And angry. Really angry. Shouting, screaming, throwing things angry. So that's what I'm doing. Inside. On the outside I'm dealing, parenting, coping, moving forward one step at a time. Inside, I'm fractured. I hurt. But he won't see it. Ever. I'm strong enough to keep it from showing. That much I can guarantee.

Adidas Mouth.

This week on "I can't believe I said that"

If you sneak up on me and shoot me with a laser, I'm gonna be really pissed.
No, football does not work better with the lights off.
I know it's harsh. It's punishment. The harshness is a neccessary element.
No, I don't know why. Ask your father. (omg, how desperate was I at this moment???)
Please don't answer the phone by saying "spit it out".
Can you Mortein the kids, I'm running late.

Mother of the year eludes me once again.

Mamafest update.

We are booked.....Melissa and I are booked into the Jolly Swagman backpackers at Kings Cross for the duration of Mamafest. The mother of all mothers commented that we'll be the oldest people there by at least 20 years (thanks for that) but I'm sure we'll cope. If it gets too loud I'll just take the batteries out of my hearing aid. All I need to do now is check and make sure my Zimmer frame counts as hand luggage.

A Page!!!

I think I shall title it "Still Life of Teenager on Phone". Lord knows, it's permanently attached to his head. I'm considering getting a SIM card inserted in the back of his neck to save time.
This is the first page I've scrapped for myself in months. I was supposed to be quilting today, but the Husqvarna and I aren't speaking ATM, due to a disagreement over stitch sizes for sewing corduroy. Hmmm.

Saturday Afternoon.

My house is very quiet. Second son is spending the night at a mates place, so left earlier this morning complete with pj's, toothbrush and DS....life's essentials, lol. He'll be back tomorrow morning sometime unless he freaks out this evening and we have to go pick him up. It's an even money bet at this stage. Firstborn is still in mid-assignment....after argueing with me for several hours yesterday, he has decided that life really isn't worth living once your mother takes away everything except your breathing priveledges, so today he's been head down and hard at it most of the day. I knew he'd come round to my way of thinking. I'm making serious progress on my quilt.....I'm so tempted to change design midway and make each of the boys a single sided patchwork instead of the monster double sided insanity that I thought was such a good idea six months ago. I will finish it as planned, although the idea of stitching up seven million denim squares has me less than thrilled.
The Quilt That Ate The World!!!

Today also saw me donning a HAZMAT suit and sorting out HBC so that I had room to sew. With the cold weather, I had my sewing table moved from the garage into the bedroom, but it wasn't a great success due to the fact that every time I spread the quilt out, Gryffindor lay on it and bit me when I tried to move him. I tried sticking pins in his tail, but that cat is stubborn. And has mild-to-moderate mental health issues too. So, I've relocated to HBC where I have reverse cycle air con and control of the music. Works for me!!

Bleauch

Anyone else wanna share in my totally sucky morning??? Thought not.

Ramblings of an overworked homeologist.

Firstborn and second son are watching The House of Tiny Tearaways, which is kinda like Supernanny Lockdown.....you bring yourself, your partner and your feral offspring to the house and they lock you in with Dr Tanya and fire psychology at you for a week. The boys love it. The worse behaved the kids are, the more avidly they watch. Second son in particular is a massive fan, probably because the kids in question make him look like one of Raphaels cherubs by comparison. His constant refrain is 'hey, at least I never did that'.
How quickly they forget. His early years would fill several bookshelves in any child psychologists waiting room, and that's without the special edition sibling rivalry volumes.
In case you missed the subtle (like a brick) untertones, I'm a bit over parenting ATM.
I think it was the duelling book reports that pushed me over the edge. Firstborn is reading 'Tomorrow When the War Began' which is on the podium with 'The Boy in the Striped Pajamas' and 'Doctor Zhivago' as one of the most depressing books ever written. Small wonder we're raising a generation of Emo's when you look at the Year 10 reading list. Firstborn is not real impressed with it either, which probably explains why he was correcting his draft copy with one hand and MSNing with the other....ahh, the joys of being lefthanded. It also explains why the sentence "hey Jake, wassup w/u" appears in his latest rewrite. I'm thinking his right and left got temporarily misassigned for a moment. Don'tcha hate it when your mother proofreads over your shoulder?? Second son was allowed his own choice of book and settled on 'The Hunchback Assignments' which at was at least interesting without being morbidly depressing. The only downside being that it had 3 million chapters and SS has long since forgotten what happened in the first 3/4 of the book. So it was a real slow afternoon, involving much headbanging and hair pulling, followed by wholesale ingestion of Nurofen by the supervising parent. And I thought three days of Napalm was a pain in the ass. Sigh. So as a little reward to myself for not descending to their level and whining 'but I did that already' , I am treating myself to the ultimate in trash tv.....Toddlers and Tiaras, followed by Repo Men Uncensored. I can feel my IQ dropping even as I type. Love my Foxtel.

Guitar Hero

Heehee.

Not often that I get him in front of the camera. Although a shot where he's looking at me would be even better. Sigh.

Mothers Day/Napalm/Romeo Must Die

It's been a bit flat out at Planet Hartwell which explains why I haven't updated in a few days. Mothers Day was on Sunday and it was all good....got some lovely things, handcrafted silver jewellery, a wicked cool pilot's hat a-la steampunk, and some seriously loud PJ pants which will never be worn in bed cos they look so good. We saw both grandmas and had takeout for lunch. Nice. Second son announed that the school was having Napalm this week, which had me slightly concerned until I realised he was talking about Naplan. Personally, I'm thinking that they would have done better going with the napalm, but who am I to argue with the Dept Ed?? Firstborn was looking forward to seeing his LDL this weekend, but due to delayed flights, her plane was really late and it was decided by parental forces beyond his control that there wouldn't be time for them to get together, which has left a black cloud of napalmish proportions hovering over Planet Hartwell for the forseeable future. At least until her next trip up in a fortnight's time. God save me from teenage romance. On the random weird side of things, not much has been happening apart from my babysitting a placenta in my freezer while the owners move house. I was seriously concerned that FF might try and make bolognaise out of it, so it has been labelled "do not defrost or eat" in very large letters, and last time I checked it was still there. I've been lucky enough to score three days paid work at the June Scrapbook Expo, which will take care of my spending money for Mamafest in Sydney, oh yeah!! Both boys are grading in TKD tomorrow, firstborn is competing for his green tip and second son for his yellow belt. Just for a change they've moved the venue which will cut at least an hour off our travelling time and we may even make it home before the end of the world as we know it. I have been quilting up a storm since I got my last commissioned album out of the way, and I'm hoping to have one side finished by tomorrow night, if everything goes according to plan. Which it won't, but I'm not thinking about that yet. I never do.

Clear the decks....

It's finished!!! After months of truly painful editing, my last commissioned album leaves for it's new home this afternoon. Thank God. Now I can shut the door on HBC for the forseeable future and get started on my quilt. I don't wanna see another photograph for at least three months. I am totally pixelled out. I need several weeks of repetitive zen, sewing hundreds of identical squares until my brain unknots. Ahhh, feel the bliss!!

Scream Ow/ Chick Stuff.

Back from the doctors, a little battered and bruised in places I won't mention. I'm seriously not on speaking terms with my girly bits ATM. On my next trip round I'm gonna be a seahorse....the males give birth and the females go to the pub. That's the life for me.

Roach Motel

Ye Gods !! What is the point of getting to Sydney for almost nothing if it's gonna cost more than the national debt to stay there?? I started at "Budget Hotels" (my ass!!) and worked my way down. I'm currently looking at a backpackers hostel in Kings Cross which has good reviews and very little 6pm news footage of body bags being carried out the back entrance while police cordon off the driveway. Apparantly I can get a twin room with a fridge, a smoke detector (!!) and a large padlock for somewhere in the region of my budget. Sounds like a winner. Bags I the top bunk!!

Mamafest 2010 !!!

Just when you thought the school year was gonna last for ever.....

I have been saved from the mid-year mankies!!! Jetstar are having a two for one sale, so Melissa and I picked up really really cheap return fares to Sydney. So come July 29th we'll be heading off for four nights of uninterrupted sleep and power shopping @ Paddy's Markets, sans husbands and kids, a-la Thelma and Louise, without Brad Pitt in a cowboy hat. This'll be my first time away from the tribe in almost 4 years, so I kinda feel like I'm due a bit of a break. I'll miss them, I'll think about them, and I'll be glad to see them when I get back, but the idea of a few days of totally doing my own thing was too good to pass up. I think I'll be Thelma....I totally rock a headscarf and sunnies.

Top Gear / L Plate Quilters

This morning Melissa and I are going to put her brand new sewing machine through it's paces. I will admit to being just a tad EXTREMELY JEALOUS 'cos it does all sorts of wicked stitches and fancy things, plus you can attach a quilting foot. But, I refuse to be a morlock about this....my Husqvarna is plenty fine, so today it's all about the Brother. And whether we get it out of first gear. Stay tuned......

BEWARE !!

They're at it again. I just spotted two healthy but extremely stupid crunchy nuts jogging down the middle of the main road. Into the oncoming traffic, yet. In the dark. Jane Fonda has a lot to answer for. I always knew exercise was hazardous to your health.

Long Weekend

Labor Day, so we decided some sort of effort was in order. As opposed to staying in bed till 2pm which was my original plan. So we headed out to the Bellingham Hedge Maze for some brain strain.


I am lost. Don't let the calm demeanor fool you.

He is also lost, but just won't admit it.

They are not only lost, but cheating, by climbing over a supposedly unclimable fence.

He thinks he's found his way out. Hah!! He may look like me, but his sense of direction comes from his father's side.

Since I'm sitting here typing, it's fairly clear that we did eventually find out way out, no thanks to the tribe who are ridiculously macho about directions. I seriously think FF would have taken a chainsaw to the hedges rather than ask for help. And his minions are just as bad. Just as well my caffeine withdrawal kicked in and I was able to follow the java to the cafe, or we'd be sleeping under the stars. "Family of Four Saved by Large Espresso". You wouldn't read about it.

Mother's Month....

And so it begins.....Mother's Month, the chance for me to get my car cleaned and request as many cups of tea as I like. As far as high maintenance goes, I'm probably mid range on the scale....there are a few things that I'm dying for, but not really expecting, a few things that I'd love and have a reasonable chance of getting, and the things on my "yearly list" that I always get. My yearly list always includes the following:
Cleaning my car, inside and out.
A voucher for as many cuppas as I can drink for the duration of Mothers month.
The right to appropriate the remote for my own veiwing choices at any time.
The enforced compliance of the tribe of three for a photo shoot.
Control of the music in the Cookie Monster.
Chinese take away at least twice during the month.
These things are all good, and the little extras that tend to come with them are even better....like these.....


which came with my cuppa yesterday, courtesy of the Tribe of Three and Mrs Fields @ Carindale. Oh yeah.....who's your mama??